It was not a good day around here yesterday.  My girls bickered and fought from the moment their feet hit the floor until just after I wrestled them back into bed.  (Their rooms share a wall and – I kid you not – they actually managed to get into an argument by banging on it.)  Nothing throws me off my “mom” game more than bickering.  To me, just being around their snappishness, sarcasm and sniping feels like I’m being soaked in someone else’s negativity.  Bickering is toxic.  It’s exhausting.  And it doesn’t do much to make you proud of the children you’re raising.

 

I think yesterday felt even worse because we just spent 10 days on an almost entirely bicker-free family vacation.  My husband and I even praised the kids on our last day in New Hampshire for getting along so well while we were away!  My hopes were definitely up that our trip was setting the tone for our summer.  Alas, it seems my kids were just on their best behavior during our vacation.  Maybe it had something to do with the presence of their grandparents.  Maybe it was geared to insure a daily trip to the ice cream stand.  I don’t know.  But I do know that I strongly prefer their “best behavior” to how they were acting yesterday!

 

I’m sure my children prefer to be around me when I’m on my best behavior too.  Really, who wouldn’t choose to spend time with someone who is being kind, polite, respectful and fun?  But, as much as I hate to admit it, I’m not always on my best behavior either.  Sometimes I simply wake up on the wrong side of the bed and have a really hard time putting a smile on my face – and an even harder time keeping it there.  Sometimes I get ambushed by an unforeseen problem and a perfectly good day turns frustrating.  Sometimes I don’t get my way and just don’t bounce back.  On these sorts of days, I feel irritable.  Like my daughters yesterday, I get snappy and sharp-tongued.  I’m itching for a fight so that I can release some of my tension and inner-yuck.  There’s always a part of me that knows that I’m not a whole lot of fun to be around when I’m acting like this.  Usually, that just makes me feel even worse.

 

I’d like to say right off the bat that I haven’t figured out how to avoid days like this.  But I am learning to control how I handle them a little better.  Growing up helped a little.  Developing some self-awareness helped more.  Learning to pay attention to the fact that every single one of my words and actions impact those around me helped a lot.  Yoga has played a huge role in helping me develop these skills and levels of maturity.  The concentration, mental presence, heightened self-awareness and focus required of me on my mat have translated directly into my life.

 

My time on my mat has helped in other ways too.  Moving and breathing through yoga asana is calming.  It’s settling.  And it’s a fabulous release of tension and inner-yuck.  Simply taking some time (a few minutes or an hour or two) to mentally and physically step out of the swirl of life is refreshing.  It can reset a grumpy mood.  It can reveal a solution to a problem that you hadn’t before considered.  It can give you the space to get over not getting your way.  It can also give you the space to see the benefits of the way things did work out.  It turns out that moving and breathing on a yoga mat can help get us back on our best behavior.

 

Because I sometimes fall when practicing yoga on my mat, I know that messing up off my mat is to be expected.  I know that one grumpy day is not a sign of failure.  It’s just one grumpy day.  Which leaves me feeling more hopeful in the wake of my girls’ bicker-filled yesterday.  Perhaps we’re not doomed to an endless summer of picking on one another.  Today is a brand new day, after all!

 

Namaste,

Amy

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